The South Riding Proprietary is known for their bizarre regulations and their Nazi-ish implementation of said regs (reference: Peerenbooms vs. South Riding, 2002 – the infamous deck slicing). Well, John and I are having a sprinkler system installed next month. So before the back hoes show up ready to tear up our lawn, I thought I better read the “Design and Maintenance Standards” of good ol’ South Riding to make sure we’re in compliance. While perusing the 44 pages, I found some of the passages quite humorous and thought I would share with my [two] readers. It appears that the Proprietary drove around West Virginia for the day and then proceeded to list all the things we SHOULDN’T do:
• The display of any dead animals or animal carcasses on the exterior of the home is not permitted under any circumstance.
• Clotheslines or similar apparatus are not permitted outside a house.
• The use of doghouses is discouraged. However, Applications may be considered on a case-by-case basis by the Committee. Doghouses must be located in the rear of the property and be screened from view of the street and adjoining lots.
• Approval will be required for all exterior decorative objects including natural and man-made objects. Placement of decorative objects in the front yard is discouraged. Exterior decorative objects include, but are not limited to, such items as sculptures, fountains, pools, gnomes, stumps and driftwood. Any exterior decorative object greater than 12 inches in height or width or numbering more than three (3) will require approval of the Committee.
• Electronic insect traps will be regulated based on the same criteria as for exterior lighting. In addition, no device shall be installed or maintained in such a way as to become a noise or visual nuisance to adjacent owners, and may only be operated during those times when the immediate area protected by the trap is occupied by the owner or guests.
• Firewood shall be kept neatly stacked and shall be located to the rear of the property in such a manner as to avoid adverse visual impacts for adjoining properties or open space. The use of brightly colored tarps will not be permitted.
• An Application is required for rock gardens. All rocks shall be left in their natural color.
• Mailboxes primarily serve a functional necessity and are not necessarily a decorative asset to a Lot. Ornamentation (e.g., decorative covers, lighting, plants, etc.) are not permitted on mailboxes, posts, or the ground surrounding them.
• All vehicles must be parked only in areas (driveways, streets, garages, etc.) designated for such purpose and in full conformity with all applicable laws. At no time may residential lawns, yards, open space, general turf areas, etc. be used for parking, storage, or other recurring use to support vehicles of any type.
• No signs may be posted on any Lots, other than one real estate sign, not to exceed six (6) square feet, listing a property For Sale or Rent and a maximum of one security sign.
• Winter holiday decorations may not be installed prior to Thanksgiving Day and must be removed from the exterior of Lots by the last day of January.
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3 comments:
Is this an SOS? I can't tell.
If you need help escaping the cult, say it in Pig Latin!.
The display of any dead animals or animal carcasses on the exterior of the home is not permitted under any circumstance?!!! Any of them?!
What if you hit a deer and it wouldnt fit in your kitchen?
Chaaarrrleey, NOOOOOOO!
What about "Don't put your dead wife in any trash cans or dumpsters"??
so if I read that correctly, you have to get permission to place a decorative stump outside your house, the use of which is discouraged.
And if you have four stumps, you'll have to get approval from the Committee.
More to the point, water your trees so they don't become stumps! And always employ proper safety precautions when using any kind of saw. We don't want to see any of those kinds of stumps, either.
I really fear the kind of mentality this breeds in the children of this community. No wonder our world is going nova
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