The Roadhouse

I've been listening to The Roadhouse station on Sirius a lot lately. It's basically old country music, all the time. I have been getting quite a chuckle at some of the songs and their lyrics. It inspired me to do a web search to see if other people thought these song titles and lyrics were funny as well, and I seemed to have hit a goldmine! One of the funnier compiled lists that I found is below.

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.

2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.

3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even.

5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).

6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away.

9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.

10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here.

15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.

19. Please Bypass My Heart.

20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.

21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.

22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.

Blessings.

I have been very very blessed to have come in contact with a select few friendly, influential, intelligent, and overall wonderful people throughout my short 30 years here on Earth. These people are currently scattered all over the country and these are the type of people that I can email or call once or twice a year and talk to them for hours like nothing has changed.

They are the friends that challenge me to think, they are the friends that aren't afraid to tell me when I am full of shit, and they are the friends that I know I can trust and love unconditionally. They are also a diverse lot -- some with similar beliefs and some with the complete opposite. But the one thing we seem to all have in common is a love for knowledge, philosophy, humor, banter, analysis and truth. If you are one of these people, you know who you are.

So, thank you. Thank you for inspiring me and enriching my life - your friendships have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. And even though I am hug-phobic, I am giving you all a huge virtual hug right now.

Love,
Michelle, Mitch, Mitcherelle, Chihuahua, Michey, Shell, MiJoy

Things I Can't Do

I was asked recently, "Michelle, what can't you do?" I thought this was a really interesting question because most of the time people want to talk about and are proud of what they CAN do. So I thought I'd try and list some things I can't do.

• I can't dance. This was confirmed by a coworker the other day when he told me I can't. I said "How did you know that?" He responded with, "I can just tell by the way you carry yourself." Gee, thanks. I carry myself like a person with no rhythm apparently.
• I can't lie. I suck at it. It is very very difficult for me to lie. And when I do, the Catholic guilt takes over and I end up confessing.
• I can't play sports. Never could. I am terribly athletically retarded. I am particularly bad at: basketball, soccer, baseball, tennis, swimming (I can barely stay afloat), football, volleyball and running. The few sports I can do are floor hockey, field hockey (I did play that in high school), water skiing, snow skiing, and badminton. If you consider those sports.
• I can't drive a stick shift.
• I can't park (normal or parallel).
• I can't sing.
• I can barely whistle.
• I can't speak a different language.
• I can't spell.
• I can't do math. I'm awesome at logic, but I suck at math.
• I can't program computers. I always wished I could, because I love to program databases. I always wished I could write programs that would run my databases.
• I can't eat oranges. I know a lot of people are thinking "that's not a can't, that's a won't." But no, it's true. I CAN'T eat oranges. If I do, I vomit. I blame my mother.
• I can't paint. I really wish I could. I think I will take a class someday.
• I can't play the piano. I started to teach myself about 2 years ago, but didn't get that far.
• I can't tolerate people hating me. Even if I hate them, for some reason I feel compelled to make them like me. This has caused a lot of problems in my life and is something I need to get over.
• I can't process audio very well. I'm a visual learner. I like to watch movies with the subtitles on and I try to read song lyrics so I can truly understand the meaning behind things. I think this has something to do with my English background.
• I can't do carpentry. I love fixing things, and I really wish I knew how to build things. I would definitely take a class if I could.
• I can't fold paper. I always mess it up. I can never get the corners to be just right.
• I can't do a cartwheel, round over or walk on my hands. I used to be so jealous of my friends that could do that.
• I can't juggle. Yes, I've tried several times.
• I can't crochet or knit.
• I can't wake up in the mornings. I am a night person.
• I can't ride a horse, even though we owned them most of my childhood.
• I can't understand people with thick accents. I always feel sorry for these people, especially if they are employees at my company because I am constantly asking them to repeat or spell words. I think this has to do with the fact that I lack the ability to process audio.
• I can't french braid my own hair.
• I can't vote for a Democrat. :)
• I can't let an email sit unanswered. If I get an email at work, I answer it the minute I see it. If I don't answer, it means I haven't seen it. I've had complaints from employees because I will be sitting there talking to them and will drop everything to answer an email that comes in. I think it is because I like to get things off my plate as soon as possible, because if I let it sit there, it will get ignored. I probably answer over 100 emails a day and frequently get compliments about my responsiveness. Little do they know it's a horrible OCD complex!
• I can't raise just one eyebrow or touch my tongue to my nose. I can, however, tie a cherry stem into a knot inside my mouth.
• I can't climb the rope in gym class.
• I can't do a pull up.
• I can't play Dance Dance Revolution but I'm pretty darn good at Guitar Hero.
• I can't ever have the last word when it comes to banter with Sarah.
  

Recycle Bank

I just found out that Recycle Bank is coming to South Riding in a few months! Pretty cool stuff!