My Trip to Court.

Ok, if anyone has met me for more than 5 seconds, they will quickly find out that I have zero sense of direction. I am probably the only person known to have ever gotten lost in her own neighborhood (Karsten will never let me live that one down) and I would give my right eye to have a GPS in my car. That being said, I had to go to the Fairfax Courthouse today to get my notary commission renewed.

"How hard can it be?" I thought confidently to myself as I printed the mapblast directions. (My first clue should have been when Google Maps told me that it could not locate 4110 Chain Bridge Road. If Google couldn't find it, I should have known I was in trouble).

So I went home last night, directions in hand, and told John I where I was going this morning. He said, "Do you know where it is? That courthouse is hard to find." Again, stupidly but confidently I replied, "How hard can it be? You go down 50 and get on 123!"

"Okaaaaay," my all knowing husband replied.

So I left my office in Chantilly at 10:00 and proudly told my boss I would be back "shortly" as all I had to do was go to Fairfax "real quick." Piece of cake.

So, following the directions, I arrive in Fairfax. I immediately see a sign that says "123 ---->" Ok, great! So I follow the ----> and end up on Lee Highway. Hmmmm.... no signs to 123. I'll just go back the way I came, maybe I turned too early. So back I go, and I arrive on 50 once again. This time, I decide to follow the mapblast directions that tell me to turn right on Main Street. No problemo, right?

Ok, so I'm headed down 50 again, and I see a sign! Main Street! Yes! Ok, if any of you know Fairfax, they'll know that there is this funky star shaped intersection where 29, 50 and Main Street all collide. It's kinda confusing. So apparently, there are like 2 rights on Main and of course, I take the wrong one. So off I go onto the wrong one, and I end up pretty far down 29. Ugh. By this time, I am cussing and calling John on his cellphone telling him I can't find freakin Chain Bridge Road and why can't I have a GPS device?!?! Fortunately, my husband is a patient man. So I turn around and go back whence I came and find the REAL Main Street turn. Ok. Whew. I find Chain Bridge. So I'm driving up and down Chain Bridge (by this time it's about 11:00) looking for 4110. Ok, I see 4000 and 4103 but no 4110. I also see lots of construction and cranes and signs saying "New Courthouse!! $115,000,000!" Ok, so I keep on Chain Bridge until I end up at George Mason. By this time I'm pretty peeved again and decide to call the courthouse for directions(duh!).

The courthouse recording tells me the obvious-- "To get to 4110 Chain Bridge Road, you must turn onto Judicial and then make a right onto Page Road to park in the parking garage. Then you have to walk on foot to 4110." Well gee, I'm an idiot.

Ok, so I park in the parking garage. The parking garage tells me to go up to the 3rd floor to walk across the skyway to the Judicial Center. After crossing the skyway, I come to another parking garage where I have to go down 3 flights of stairs to the outdoors. Then I follow this sidewalk covered in scaffolding where I enter the courthouse from a side emergency exit. Are you getting all this???

So once in the building, there are metal detectors and guards. So I turn to this mexican dude beside me who looks like he's spent his share of time going to court and I say, "how do I get to the third floor?" "Oh, follow me!" he says with a grin. So after we are searched, he leads me up the stairs to a set of elevators. We get in and as we are getting in, a lawyer steps in. The lawyer smiles at my escort and says, "Hey! How's your probation coming?" So my escort starts talking about some speeding ticket he's here for, blah blah blah. Ok, so I get off at floor 3 and I go to the Notary desk. The first thing I see is CASH ONLY. Of course, right? So I have $8.75 on me and I need $10. After standing in line for a while, it's my turn. The lady says she'll hold my notary commission while I go to an ATM. How nice. I was hoping she'd give me $1.25.

So I get back in the elevator to discover my escort going down too! "You leaving?" he says. "No, I need an ATM." "Follow me!" he says. So he takes me to the ATM and I get my money. What a nice guy. Back up to the 3rd floor, I'm sworn in, commission in hand, and off to my car.

Of course, once I get to my car, I realize you have to pay for your parking BEFORE you leave the garage. So I walk BACK to the garage entrance to pay. The guy in front of me is told, "Sorry cash only!" so I give him $2 to cover his costs. He thanks me profusely. I pay for my ticket and leave. Whew! 12:00 PM.

Once I leave, of course I am daydreaming and take a wrong turn. I somehow end up at the Fairfax Government Center. I finally make it back to my office at 12:30 just in time to scarf down a Wendy's Combo #1 with Diet Coke and whine to my coworkers about how I hate Fairfax.

I told them crime in Fairfax must be low because I know I'm never committing any crimes EVER now that I know what a pain it is to go there.