The Roadhouse

I've been listening to The Roadhouse station on Sirius a lot lately. It's basically old country music, all the time. I have been getting quite a chuckle at some of the songs and their lyrics. It inspired me to do a web search to see if other people thought these song titles and lyrics were funny as well, and I seemed to have hit a goldmine! One of the funnier compiled lists that I found is below.

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.

2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.

3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even.

5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).

6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away.

9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.

10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here.

15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.

19. Please Bypass My Heart.

20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.

21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.

22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.

Blessings.

I have been very very blessed to have come in contact with a select few friendly, influential, intelligent, and overall wonderful people throughout my short 30 years here on Earth. These people are currently scattered all over the country and these are the type of people that I can email or call once or twice a year and talk to them for hours like nothing has changed.

They are the friends that challenge me to think, they are the friends that aren't afraid to tell me when I am full of shit, and they are the friends that I know I can trust and love unconditionally. They are also a diverse lot -- some with similar beliefs and some with the complete opposite. But the one thing we seem to all have in common is a love for knowledge, philosophy, humor, banter, analysis and truth. If you are one of these people, you know who you are.

So, thank you. Thank you for inspiring me and enriching my life - your friendships have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. And even though I am hug-phobic, I am giving you all a huge virtual hug right now.

Love,
Michelle, Mitch, Mitcherelle, Chihuahua, Michey, Shell, MiJoy

Things I Can't Do

I was asked recently, "Michelle, what can't you do?" I thought this was a really interesting question because most of the time people want to talk about and are proud of what they CAN do. So I thought I'd try and list some things I can't do.

• I can't dance. This was confirmed by a coworker the other day when he told me I can't. I said "How did you know that?" He responded with, "I can just tell by the way you carry yourself." Gee, thanks. I carry myself like a person with no rhythm apparently.
• I can't lie. I suck at it. It is very very difficult for me to lie. And when I do, the Catholic guilt takes over and I end up confessing.
• I can't play sports. Never could. I am terribly athletically retarded. I am particularly bad at: basketball, soccer, baseball, tennis, swimming (I can barely stay afloat), football, volleyball and running. The few sports I can do are floor hockey, field hockey (I did play that in high school), water skiing, snow skiing, and badminton. If you consider those sports.
• I can't drive a stick shift.
• I can't park (normal or parallel).
• I can't sing.
• I can barely whistle.
• I can't speak a different language.
• I can't spell.
• I can't do math. I'm awesome at logic, but I suck at math.
• I can't program computers. I always wished I could, because I love to program databases. I always wished I could write programs that would run my databases.
• I can't eat oranges. I know a lot of people are thinking "that's not a can't, that's a won't." But no, it's true. I CAN'T eat oranges. If I do, I vomit. I blame my mother.
• I can't paint. I really wish I could. I think I will take a class someday.
• I can't play the piano. I started to teach myself about 2 years ago, but didn't get that far.
• I can't tolerate people hating me. Even if I hate them, for some reason I feel compelled to make them like me. This has caused a lot of problems in my life and is something I need to get over.
• I can't process audio very well. I'm a visual learner. I like to watch movies with the subtitles on and I try to read song lyrics so I can truly understand the meaning behind things. I think this has something to do with my English background.
• I can't do carpentry. I love fixing things, and I really wish I knew how to build things. I would definitely take a class if I could.
• I can't fold paper. I always mess it up. I can never get the corners to be just right.
• I can't do a cartwheel, round over or walk on my hands. I used to be so jealous of my friends that could do that.
• I can't juggle. Yes, I've tried several times.
• I can't crochet or knit.
• I can't wake up in the mornings. I am a night person.
• I can't ride a horse, even though we owned them most of my childhood.
• I can't understand people with thick accents. I always feel sorry for these people, especially if they are employees at my company because I am constantly asking them to repeat or spell words. I think this has to do with the fact that I lack the ability to process audio.
• I can't french braid my own hair.
• I can't vote for a Democrat. :)
• I can't let an email sit unanswered. If I get an email at work, I answer it the minute I see it. If I don't answer, it means I haven't seen it. I've had complaints from employees because I will be sitting there talking to them and will drop everything to answer an email that comes in. I think it is because I like to get things off my plate as soon as possible, because if I let it sit there, it will get ignored. I probably answer over 100 emails a day and frequently get compliments about my responsiveness. Little do they know it's a horrible OCD complex!
• I can't raise just one eyebrow or touch my tongue to my nose. I can, however, tie a cherry stem into a knot inside my mouth.
• I can't climb the rope in gym class.
• I can't do a pull up.
• I can't play Dance Dance Revolution but I'm pretty darn good at Guitar Hero.
• I can't ever have the last word when it comes to banter with Sarah.
  

Recycle Bank

I just found out that Recycle Bank is coming to South Riding in a few months! Pretty cool stuff!

This is Awesome.

So cool.

Thanks Anyway, Congressman Wolf

Gee darn. My hopes of selling these to pay for our new shower are now dashed.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for contacting my office regarding tickets to the Inaugural Ceremony of President-elect Barack Obama. Due to overwhelming interest in the 56th Inaugural Ceremony and the very low number of tickets (198) allocated to each congressional office by the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, I regretfully inform you that we will be unable to fulfill your request for tickets to the ceremony.

While a ticket is required for the area on the National Mall designated for the swearing-in ceremony, other areas of the mall are open to the public and do not require tickets. Large video screens will be placed along the mall to view the event. There also are other opportunities, such as the Inaugural parade and various Inaugural balls, taking place and additional information for those events are available through the Presidential Joint Inaugural Committee’s Web site at inaugural.senate.gov. Unfortunately, House and Senate offices do not receive any distribution of tickets to these events.

Please do not hesitate to contact my office at any time if I may be of assistance to you in any way.

Best wishes.

Merry Christmas

Tip tap on the window,
the frost raps
as the wind announces
the induction of winter.
Drops of fluffy white
float down the sky like wisps
of manna--
nourishing our souls,
reminding us that
life, like the flakes, is ephemeral  
and distinct.
The world is preparing
to be re-born, nature  
laboring under a
blanket of frost.  
With one last push  
towards the new year,
the Son is crowned  
and exhales--
warming us for eternity.  
    
Edited from a past poem, L'Hiver

:)

Time Machine

I was asked to attend my friend's daughter's 9th birthday party tonight at the Skate-N-Fun Zone in Manassas.  

When I was 9, this place was called the "Skate Ranch" and it was THE place to be.  I can remember begging my Mom to drop me off there so I could meet up with friends and each time she would tell me, "No, it is too dangerous there -- you will get kidnapped!"  On a few occasions, instead of dropping me off, she would take me there on Thursdays after school (Thursdays were 1:30 early dismissals back then) and I would skate for a few hours under her watchful eye with my best friend of the week listening to Cindy Lauper and Madonna songs.

Tonight when I walked in, I couldn't believe how much the place had NOT changed.  Everything was pretty much the same, except instead of the brown and orange paint and carpeting, everything was painted in 90's neon colors with black carpet.  And instead of Madonna playing, it was Britney.

Since I was there purely as a guest, I took the opportunity to bring my Rollerblades and take a ride back in time on the still slick wooden rink.  After about 2 times around, I heard my name being called from my 9 year old neighbor.

"Michelle!  Can you help Ragan put on her skates?"

I rolled over to a 6 year old tow headed little girl who was sitting on the ground trying with all her might to get those cinder blocks with wheels onto her feet.  While I was lacing her up, her blue eyes looked up at me and she said all excited, "I've never been skating before!"

This caused me to instantly calculate in my brain the following:  If her parents aren't around to help her with her laces, who the heck is going to teach her how to skate?!  

So I very calmly asked, "Ragan, is your Mommy here?"

And she goes, "No, she dropped me off.  My big sister is here, but she doesn't know how to skate either!"

At that, I turned around and noticed another blue-eyed, blond haired angelic face stumbling and clunking her way around the rink.  With the laces tied, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be this child's new tutor and I promptly grabbed her hand and said, "Let's start out slow, k?"

My lord.  I never knew how impossible it would be to teach a kid to roller skate.  Since I had not roller bladed in two years, I was pretty wobbly myself and I had this 40 pound slippery piece of linguine attached to my hand that was clinging to me as if her life depended on it!

After about 4 trips around the rink of Ragan pulling and slipping and falling -- she looked up at me beaming and goes, "I think I'm getting better!"  Bless her heart.  After another trip around, I escorted her over the "wall of safety" and instructed her to hold onto it and I would be back for her.  Turns out, letting her go was the best thing I could have done.  She mustered up a lot of confidence after that and managed to skate the rest of the time by herself -- granted she was more stumbling around than rolling, but at least she was doing that on her own.  I admired her for that -- I am not sure I would have been able to have a total stranger teach me to rollerskate at that age without my parents around.

At the end of the party, she came up to me and said, "What's your name?"  I told her it was Michelle.  She just looked at me and said, "Hi."  Too cute.  I told her she did really well skating and she just radiated a huge smile.

It was a fun time overall -- I'm glad I went.  And since I am 29 and 11.5/12ths right now and NOT 30, I figured I could still get away with skating with a bunch of 9 year olds and still have fun.

Obama in the News: What the World is Saying

• Venezuela to mend fences with U.S. following Obama's victory
• ``A black man may become president of the U.S., and we can say that's no small thing,'' Chavez said in a speech on state television. ``Hopefully, the next government of the U.S. will listen to the mandate, not just of morals, ethics and the times, but also the mandate of the UN that days ago voted, once more, asking the U.S. to eliminate its savage blockade of Cuba.''
• Israel cautions against Obama dialogue with Iran
• IRNA quoted Ahmadinejad as calling on Obama to make significant changes to America's approach to its role in the world. "You are generally expected to make a fast and clear response to the demands for basic... change in US domestic and foreign policy, which all people in the world and Americans want on top of your agenda,” the Iranian president wrote to his new counterpart. Ahmadinejad went on to discuss his views on the extent of American involvement in the world. "They also want US intervention to be limited to its borders, especially in the Middle East. It is highly expected to reverse the unfair attitude towards restoring the rights of the Palestinians, Iraqis and Afghans,” he said.
• China Looking at Possible Meeting Between Hu, Obama
• President Dmitri A. Medvedev of Russia greeted his future American counterpart, Senator Barack Obama, with bristling language on Wednesday, promising to place short-range missiles on Russia's western border if Washington proceeded with its planned missile defense system in Eastern Europe....
• Obama Faces Tests in Japan and Korea--From security issues to trade, multinational executives from Korea and Japan aren't yet sure whether to celebrate the Democrat's victory or not
• Iraq's prime minister Nouri al-Maliki has claimed privately that embracing Barack Obama's plans to withdraw from Iraq was instrumental in securing the US presidency for the Democratic candidate.
• Palestinians expect US president-elect, Barack Obama, to play a more efficient role in enhancing peace and stability in the world in general and in Palestine in particular, says Saadi Altumaizi, Palestine’s Ambassador to Ghana. “We would fully co-operate with the incoming American Administration to work for peace and implement all signed agreements and accords between the Palestine Liberation Organization and Israel,” he said.

Shipping Soon!

Ronald Reagan, 1975 Address

This speech was much longer, so I took out some parts. However, reading this speech from 1975 is quite shocking that the Republican Party (and America) is in the exact same place now as it was 33 years ago.

**********

… we have been through a disastrous election. It is easy for us to be discouraged, as pundits hail that election as a repudiation of our philosophy and even as a mandate of some kind or other. But the significance of the election was not registered by those who voted, but by those who stayed home…

In another recent survey, of 35,000 college and university students polled, three-fourths blame American business and industry for all of our economic and social ills. The same three-fourths think the answer is more (and virtually complete) regimentation and government control of all phases of business—including the imposition of wage and price controls. Yet, 80 percent in the same poll want less government interference in their own lives!

Our task is to make them see that what we represent is identical to their own hopes and dreams of what America can and should be. If there are questions as to whether the principles of conservatism hold up in practice, we have the answers to them. Where conservative principles have been tried, they have worked.

Without inflation there would be no recession. And unless we curb inflation we can see the end of our society and economic system. The painful fact is we can only halt inflation by undergoing a period of economic dislocation—a recession, if you will.

We can take steps to ease the suffering of some who will be hurt more than others, but if we turn from fighting inflation and adopt a program only to fight recession we are on the road to disaster.

Inflation has one cause and one cause only: government spending more than government takes in. And the cure to inflation is a balanced budget. We know, of course, that after 40 years of social tinkering and Keynesian experimentation that we can’t do this all at once, but it can be achieved. Balancing the budget is like protecting your virtue: you have to learn to say “no.”

This is no time to repeat the shopworn panaceas of the New Deal, the Fair Deal and the Great Society. John Kenneth Galbraith, who, in my opinion, is living proof that economics is an inexact science, has written a new book. It is called “Economics and the Public Purpose.” In it, he asserts that market arrangements in our economy have given us inadequate housing, terrible mass transit, poor health care and a host of other miseries. And then, for the first time to my knowledge, he advances socialism as the answer to our problems.

Shorn of all side issues and extraneous matter, the problem underlying all others is the worldwide contest for the hearts and minds of mankind. Do we find the answers to human misery in freedom as it is known, or do we sink into the deadly dullness of the Socialist ant heap?

Those who suggest that the latter is some kind of solution are, I think, open to challenge. Let’s have no more theorizing when actual comparison is possible. There is in the world a great nation, larger than ours in territory and populated with 250 million capable people. It is rich in resources and has had more than 50 uninterrupted years to practice socialism without opposition.

We could match them, but it would take a little doing on our part. We’d have to cut our paychecks back by 75 percent; move 60 million workers back to the farm; abandon two-thirds of our steel-making capacity; destroy 40 million television sets; tear up 14 of every 15 miles of highway; junk 19 of every 20 automobiles; tear up two-thirds of our railroad track; knock down 70 percent of our houses; and rip out nine out of every 10 telephones. Then, all we have to do is find a capitalist country to sell us wheat on credit to keep us from starving!

Our people are in a time of discontent. Our vital energy supplies are threatened by possibly the most powerful cartel in human history. Our traditional allies in Western Europe are experiencing political and economic instability bordering on chaos.

Can we live with ourselves if we, as a nation, betray our friends and ignore our pledged word? And, if we do, who would ever trust us again? To consider committing such an act so contrary to our deepest ideals is symptomatic of the erosion of standards and values. And this adds to our discontent.

We did not seek world leadership; it was thrust upon us. It has been our destiny almost from the first moment this land was settled. If we fail to keep our rendezvous with destiny or, as John Winthrop said in 1630, “Deal falsely with our God,” we shall be made “a story and byword throughout the world.”

Americans are hungry to feel once again a sense of mission and greatness.

I don‘t know about you, but I am impatient with those Republicans who after the last election rushed into print saying, “We must broaden the base of our party”—when what they meant was to fuzz up and blur even more the differences between ourselves and our opponents.

It was a feeling that there was not a sufficient difference now between the parties that kept a majority of the voters away from the polls. When have we ever advocated a closed-door policy? Who has ever been barred from participating?

Our people look for a cause to believe in. Is it a third party we need, or is it a new and revitalized second party, raising a banner of no pale pastels, but bold colors which make it unmistakably clear where we stand on all of the issues troubling the people?

Let us show that we stand for fiscal integrity and sound money and above all for an end to deficit spending, with ultimate retirement of the national debt.

Let us also include a permanent limit on the percentage of the people’s earnings government can take without their consent.

Let our banner proclaim a genuine tax reform that will begin by simplifying the income tax so that workers can compute their obligation without having to employ legal help.

And let it provide indexing—adjusting the brackets to the cost of living—so that an increase in salary merely to keep pace with inflation does not move the taxpayer into a surtax bracket. Failure to provide this means an increase in government’s share and would make the worker worse off than he was before he got the raise.

Let our banner proclaim our belief in a free market as the greatest provider for the people.

Let us also call for an end to the nit-picking, the harassment and over-regulation of business and industry which restricts expansion and our ability to compete in world markets.

Let us explore ways to ward off socialism, not by increasing government’s coercive power, but by increasing participation by the people in the ownership of our industrial machine.

Our banner must recognize the responsibility of government to protect the law-abiding, holding those who commit misdeeds personally accountable.

And we must make it plain to international adventurers that our love of peace stops short of “peace at any price.”

We will maintain whatever level of strength is necessary to preserve our free way of life.

A political party cannot be all things to all people. It must represent certain fundamental beliefs which must not be compromised to political expediency, or simply to swell its numbers.

I do not believe I have proposed anything that is contrary to what has been considered Republican principle. It is at the same time the very basis of conservatism. It is time to reassert that principle and raise it to full view. And if there are those who cannot subscribe to these principles, then let them go their way.

Trying to See the Glass Half-Full

The Good:

• An African American was voted President for the first time.
• At least Joe Biden isn't President.
• We still live in a country where we can have a free election without riots, wars, or injustices.
• It's only 4 years.

Non-Partisan Tax Calculator

http://alchemytoday.com/obamataxcut/

Election Eve Ad -- WTF?

Obama's Moving Tax Threshold: $250,000? $200,000? $150,000? What Next?

Obama's position in the past was that he would raise taxes on families making more than $250,000 a year and individuals making more than $200,000. But in his new ad, "Defining Moment," he seems to lower it to $200,000 for families. "Here's what I'll do as president," Obama says in the ad. "To deal with our current emergency I'll launch a rescue plan for the middle class That begins with a tax cut for 95 percent of working Americans. If you have a job, pay taxes and make less than $200,000 a year, you'll get a tax cut." That seems kind of ambiguous, but the graphic on the screen says clearly: "Famlies making less than $200,000 get tax cut." Now, the McCain campaign is pointing out something that Joe Biden said in a Pennsylvania TV interview yesterday:

What we’re saying is that $87 billion tax break doesn’t need to go to people making an average of 1.4 million, it should go like it used to. It should go to middle class people — people making under $150,000 a year.”

This morning, in Hershey, Pennsylvania, McCain started pushing hard:

Senator Obama has made a lot of promises. First he said people making less than 250,000 dollars would benefit from his plan, then this weekend he announced in an ad that if you're a family making less than 200,000 dollars you'll benefit — but yesterday, right here in Pennsylvania, Senator Biden said tax relief should only go to "middle class people — people making under 150,000 dollars a year." It's interesting how their definition of rich has a way of creeping down. At this rate, it won't be long before Senator Obama is right back to his vote that Americans making just 42,000 dollars a year should get a tax increase. We can't let that happen.

Note to Self: Take the trash OUTSIDE from now on and dont leave it in the kitchen for the dog to get into.

What's on my Kindle

I am loving my Kindle. To any book fanatics, I highly encourage you to get this device. Gone are the stacks and stacks of books on my nightstand -- they are now replaced with my kindle.

Now, instead of waiting the 5-7 days (Amazon super saver shipping) to get my books, I can get them in under 60 seconds by downloading them instantly.

The books I have downloaded thus far:

• The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, David Wroblewski
• The Revolution, Ron Paul
• Dicey's Song, Cynthia Voigt
• The Shack, William P. Young
• The Douay-Rheims Bible
• Hot, Flat, and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution--and How It Can Renew America, Thomas L. Friedman

I already know that my kindle is working, because my tivo keeps filling up with unwatched television shows.

My new toy...

Just an FYI, I wanted this even before Oprah's endorsement. The extra $50 off put me over the edge, however, so I broke down and ordered it yesterday.

There's always that one idiot...

My friend was at the bank today and he saw the following sign:

"For everyone's safety during Halloween, please refrain from wearing masks in this facility."

Criminals, Drugs and Pollution

I hate them all. What better argument to get rid of illegal aliens and illegal drugs than this?

http://www.dailynews.com/ci_10693384

Save our Forests by kicking out the illegals and the the pot!